Yesterday was supposed to be a laid back day around here. No softball, no soccer, no therapy, no appointments. Plus, my son was home sick so I didn’t even have to go to work.

I have now come to realize that there is no such thing as a laid back day.

Back in 2007, I wrote a list of things no one ever told me before I had kids. Yesterday, I added a few more items. Such as…

…it pays to have long limbs, even if that means you once had a high school teacher who nicknamed you orangutan arms. Hypothetically. Because, yesterday I was able to steer my car and hold a bag under the chin of my vomiting son who was sitting on the passenger side of the back seat.

…if you try to read a book with a seven year old around, it is like brushing your teeth with one individual toothbrush bristle. You’ll get the job done, but it’s going to take awhile.

…if your son sees you allowing the dogs to bite a few kernels of corn off a cob which you are holding tightly in your hand, he will take the corn cob he is supposed to be eating, throw it to the ground and let the dogs take turns biting off chunks big enough to cause intestinal blockage in an elephant. Then he’ll sit back and watch as the dogs swallow them whole.

…when you attempt to pour spoonfuls of hydrogen peroxide down your dog’s throat to induce vomiting, she really won’t like you very much.

…when your son is peeing and completely misses the toilet, it’s not necessarily because his aim is bad. It could be that his sister is standing at the sink and he’s trying to pee on her shoe.

…even though the drinks at the circus cost $8.00, go ahead and splurge for more than one so you don’t have to share a straw. Especially if your son has an upper respiratory infection. And, you have asthma. Unless, of course, you think breathing is overrated.

Tell me boys and girls…how did yesterday treat you?

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Today is Grandparent’s Day at my kids’ school. Of course, my son is sick which means he’ll be missing this valuable opportunity to entertain the masses. So, for your listening pleasure, here is seven seconds of him singing for you, as he did for anyone who would listen while we were out running errands on Friday.

This includes everyone at my husband’s office, random people on the playground and every employee at LensCrafters.

And, if anyone from our county agency is watching, maybe we can end our 11 month-long battle about whether or not my son needs speech therapy.

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1. If you have two dogs, and two kids who often clog the toilet, you’re going to be dealing with a lot of poop.

2. I cried yesterday because a little boy was nice to my son. Never underestimate the power of teaching your child to be a good friend.

3. I like to wear my size 11, orange Crocs…mostly just to embarrass my daughter, who calls them my “clown shoes”.

4. Insomnia is slowly killing me.

5. The LOST season finale was Wednesday night and I am kind of freaking out about what I’m going to do when the series ends next year.

6. Freaking out about a TV show going off the air is pretty sad.

7. I am reading an advance copy of “Rage Against the Meshugenah”. A raw look at male depression by Danny Evans from Dad Gone Mad. A book which made me laugh AND cry in the prologue.

8. You should buy that book.

9. A puppy with a UTI is really hard to housetrain.

10. Dogs will take any pill as long as it’s wrapped in cheese.

11. I like beer.

12. My husband works really hard and very long hours.

13. I miss my husband.

14. I will be 38 in a couple of weeks and realized I have been telling people that I’m 38 for the last year.

15. I love my little blog.

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I often talk about how far my son has come and how tenacious he is. Sometimes I am blown away by how many things from which he has bounced back. But, he isn’t the only person I know who has managed to succeed when faced with insurmountable struggles. My cousin, Shrevie, has been through some very hard times.

When he was just a kid, Shrevie got kicked in the head by a mule. I don’t remember it, because Shrevie is quite a bit older than me, but I’ve heard the story a million times. For some reason, he was trying to braid the mule’s tail when it reared up and kicked him right in the forehead. Shrevie was knocked unconscious. He awoke two days later with crossed eyes and a lisp.

Because the kids teased him, Shrevie took to sports to prove himself. He started out as the team manager, fetching water and towels for the high school kids. When they finally gave him a chance, Shrevie gave it his all as a kicker. Despite his crossed eyes, he managed to punt the ball 20 yards!

Unfortunately, that wasn’t good enough for Ohio State, where he dreamed of going to college. But, as luck would have it, Texas was quite interested. Ironically, because so many children in Texas get kicked in the head by mules, Shrevie wasn’t the only one on the team who sometimes ran the wrong way down the field.

This is me and Shrevie back in the day…just before he left for school. Just look at how happy he was. Someone had just given him a Member’s Only jacket.

Shrevie is married with kids now. He unfortunately took another hit to his eye in what he refers to as Pea-Shootpalooza, but he is doing well. He left Texas years ago and is trying to find his way back to Ohio. No one has the heart to tell him that our fine state isn’t in the Mid-Atlantic, but we feel confident he’ll make it home someday.

Oh, and this post? Is nothing but a big, fat, cross-eyed joke on NukeDad. NukeDad, you’ve been blunked. Here, let me break that down for you…that’s blog punked. Even if you’re my hero, you are still due some paybacks. And apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks you needed this.

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