I Wouldn’t Wish For Crumpets Either

posted by Momo Fali on July 11, 2007
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The other night, my husband and I were watching Man vs. Wild, on The Discovery Channel. Bear Grylls (pronounced Grills), a former serviceman of the British Special Forces is the host of this adventure series. It’s one of those shows where they drop him off in the middle of nowhere, someplace like Iceland, and he shows you how to survive until the last few seconds of the show, when he finds civilization again. I just don’t know what I’d do without these Icelandic survival skills, so I MUST tune in. You never know when you’re going to need the ability to catch a chicken with your shoe string. Or, know how long to boil a sheep’s leg in hot springs before it’s okay to eat.

On the show we were watching, he had parachuted into the French Alps. After climbing UP the mountain to get a better view of his surroundings (this would be my first survival mistake, because I’m pretty sure I’d go down), and finding nothing but snow EVERYWHERE, he started to suffer from altitude sickness. He mentioned that his breathing was labored and he had a pounding headache, then he said something like, “I’d murder for a cup of tea.” Really? Because, I’m thinking there are about 1,000 other things I’d want at that point. Like, oh…say a map. Or, an oxygen tank and a mountain guide. Or, maybe for that helicopter from which I had parachuted to come back and get me. I couldn’t help thinking that Britain would be so proud.

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The Twilight of Her Life

posted by Momo Fali on July 9, 2007
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Our dog is getting old. She’s not at the point where she’s peeing-all-over-the-rug-old, but she’s recently developed a touch of arthritis and you can see it coming in the not so distant future. It’s hard to see a dog with the boundless energy she once had, start to slow down. She used to come flying down the stairs to bark at the UPS man, but now she simply stands up on our bed and barks from there.

When she was only a couple of months old, we found out I was pregnant with our first child. Being new at the whole parenting thing, we decided it was best to have an obedience trainer work one-on-one with us and our dog, in our home. This wasn’t cheap. Nor, was it effective. After just a few classes, we were basically told there was nothing more that could be done. We tried our best, but she’s never learned to heel, or come on command, or lay down, or even sit right. She does what I refer to as a swimsuit calendar pose. Not so much sitting, as much as trying to look seductive for a treat.

For about eight years, she acted like she was still a puppy. When visitors arrived, she would jump all over them and run around the room. That’s one of the things I won’t miss. No one ever being able to wear black to our house. What’s the point, when you leave looking like you’ve been attacked by some Himalayan Yeti? “You want to come over? Okay, but wear white, and whatever you do, DO NOT wear hose.”

So, the fur won’t be missed, along with the nose juice she so lovingly splatters all over our bay windows every day. I also won’t miss putting the trash can on top of the refrigerator when we leave the house, or the thumping sound that always precedes her vomiting at 4:00 AM. And, I would do just about anything to erase the memory of returning home, on my birthday no less, the night after our neighbor had given her a ham shank over the fence, without our permission. I could just about smell the piles of bone-ridden excrement from my driveway. Lovely.

But, I will miss her sweet, gentle nature, and how she’s never even growled at one of our kids when they were using her as a portion of an obstacle course. I will miss petting her soft ears as a form of therapy, and I will miss her acting like a vacuum cleaner and picking up all the spilled food. But, most of all, I will miss feeling safe and sound, and knowing that I’m HOME, just because she’s here.
filed under Creature Features
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THE BEST COMMERCIALS EVER

posted by Momo Fali on July 7, 2007
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Because football season is just around the corner…

filed under Ohio State Buckeyes
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Changing Times

posted by Momo Fali on July 6, 2007
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Some friends of ours are getting ready to have their second child. My husband and I saw them recently at a party, and shame on us for doing so, but we went on and on about how much harder life is with two kids versus one. We had no right in saying a word, especially considering my husband is one of ELEVEN children, and his parents were only a few feet away. How in the world they raised that many kids, all running about in (GASP!) cloth diapers, is beyond comprehension. As if couples don’t have enough to bicker about, without having to figure out which one of you is going to scrub the poop out of everyone’s pants.

But, there were a lot of things our parents didn’t have to do. I don’t remember my Mom driving me much of anywhere past the age of eight. If I wanted to go somewhere I either walked or pedaled there. I barely got a, “See ya”, along with my swift kick out the door as I was sent to, “Go play somewhere”. Our parents weren’t bad parents, they were normal parents. It was great to live that way as a kid. We got to BE kids. It was not a problem for us to leave the house after breakfast, go to the pool all day, come home for dinner, then leave immediately after for a game of Kick the Can or baseball. Things didn’t change as I got older either. Even at the awkward age of 15, I rode my bike to work at an old folks restaurant…hairnet, apron, and all. Oh, that’s not embarrassing.

Now, things are different. If my daughter wants to go to the pool or the park, I have to drive her there, because it’s just not safe for her to ride her bike (though if we did ride our bikes, we’d be sure to wear our helmets, which either no one cared about or didn’t exist when I was young). But, I can’t just throw her into the back of a pick-up truck, which is how we often got from place to place. I have to put her and her brother in car seats, with SEAT BELTS. Here’s the kicker…I have to actually STAY with her and supervise her. Oh, and don’t forget the sunscreen! You know what kind of sunscreen I wore when I was a kid? It was called a t-shirt.

For better or worse, parents must be involved with their kids in ways they didn’t have to when we were growing up. In today’s modern world, we have to micro-manage their lives. So, to our friends I’ll say this…it’s not that you won’t have enough love to give, it’ll just be hard finding time to give it.

filed under Kids
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