On yesterday’s Oprah, Dr. Oz discussed numerous differences between men and women.

He started by introducing us to two lovely people who had dedicated their dead bodies to science. Two people who allowed themselves to be dissected, because they knew it was the only way they could get Oprah tickets. Here is where Dr. Oz massaged the dead woman’s bladder. He later walked across the stage and tickled the man’s prostate.

This is Brian. Brian discussed his hair transplant and how he had a section of scalp removed from the back of his head and moved to the the front. You can clearly see the improvement between his before picture, which looks like a mug shot, and his after picture…which looks like a mug shot with hair.

This is Jennifer, along with her husband, and her son Benjamin. Jennifer noticed that after her son was born, her memory started to fade and she would forget important words like, “tomato and chandelier”. Dr. Oz confirmed that Jennifer was indeed suffering from “Mommy Brain”. Apparently, babies suck the life out of their Mother’s noggin by stealing her omega-3 fats. As you can see, Benjamin was quite enthralled with Dr. Oz’s theory. Either that, or all that brain sucking really wore him out.

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When I was a young, impressionable 12 year old girl, life as I knew it changed forever. Something huge happened. Something so big, I will never, ever forget it. Footloose was released.

You all remember, right? Oh, it’s just me then. Well, Footloose is a movie in which Kevin Bacon plays Ren, a hip, city-slickin’, high school kid who moves with his Mother to a town that’s so small that racing tractors is what you do on a Saturday afternoon. A town so tiny, that playing chicken in your pick-up truck, with a semi, is what you do after church. A town so minuscule, that because some kids died in an accident after a night of dancing, they outlaw the hustle completely.

But, that was all before Kevin Bacon comes to town to save everyone from their tango-less existence. He rescues “the girl” from her abusive boyfriend, gets the town to overturn their silly law (Note to self: When trying to get something accomplished in the bible belt, quote Ecclesiastes in a town hall meeting). But, over and above all else, he teaches Christopher Penn how to dance.

Let me remind you, I was 12. Kevin Bacon was a teenage rebel, with a cute, spiky haircut and some fine moves. So, I did what any girl would do…I saw the movie 40 times and plastered his picture over every square inch of my room. That dude was the cat’s meow. Enough said.

My crush on Kevin Bacon came only after Jack Wagner. Quit laughing. And, Jack came after Greg Brady, the members of Night Ranger, and every cast member of The Outsiders. As it turns out, my husband closely resembles one of those Brat Pack fellas. Who’s laughing now?

What I want to know, boys and girls, is who was your pre-teen, celebrity crush?

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These are four of the six Canadian men who were at my house this afternoon. Oh sorry, they were at my hoose.

They came for a visit because Hurricane Ike decided to go a little off course and do this to my Ohio backyard. Yes Canucks, those are maple leaves.

And, after one full week without electricity those wonderful fellows from the country up north made it possible for me to not have to pee in the dark anymore.

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