Let Them Eat Cake

posted by Momo Fali on March 30, 2009

I have been known to make notoriously ugly birthday cakes. They are made with love and they usually taste okay, but that’s as far as I can stretch it.

There was the time I made my husband, what has been dubbed, the diarrhea cake. Not because of the texture, but rather the icing I so lovingly concocted with food coloring. Did you know that blue and green make brown?

And, then there’s this. Quite possibly the most hideous cake ever. What you can’t see is my son’s name, which I removed with Microsoft Paint (widely known as Photoshop for poor people). All you need to know is that the “M” in his name looked remarkably like an “N”.

What you can see? The crooked “2” in every corner, the thick letters in “Happy”, which ends in a whacked out “y”. Oh, and even at two…he knew he was in for years of this, which would explain his reaction.


But yesterday, I was so proud of myself. My father-in-law came to visit and I made a cake from scratch! From scratch, I said! Even the icing was homemade. My letters were well-scripted and I added some red sprinkles to match. This is a masterpiece in my house.

But apparently, I can only do one and not the other. My ugly cakes are yummy, so I should have known that I can’t make a pretty cake and have it taste good.

When I sat down and took a bite I said, “Oh no! It’s awful! It tastes like flour.”

My brutally honest son chimed in, “It doesn’t taste like flour. I think it tastes like chalk.”

He later claimed he was trying to say that my vanilla cake, “tastes like CHOColate” but I don’t buy it for a second.

His birthday is next month, and he asked for it. That’s right, I’m going to make that boy a pretty cake.

    Comments

  • mrsmouthy


    Tasting like flour? That’s nothing. Let’s all be glad it didn’t taste like diarrhea!

  • Captain Dumbass


    One doesn’t complain about free cake.

  • Single Parent Dad


    Chalky cake, nice. Anyway those child branded supermarket ones taste like crap anyway, at least you made the effort.

  • WeaselMomma


    I too am cake decorating impaired. I would much rather have an ugly, yet yummy cake over the pretty but tasteless.

  • Tina


    You should make ice cream cakes cause they are SUPER easy. It was a pretty cake, sorry it tasted lie chalk.

  • ♥georgie♥


    LOL…well I cant bake OR decorate-I can mess up a box cake and thats no joke!

  • Shelli (wishes she was) Mrs. Burchett;)


    I’m so lucky I don’t have to worry about birthday cakes anymore! My 17yo daughter is a Duff Goldman (Ace of Cakes) groupie…she is a whiz with fondant!

  • Comedy Goddess


    That picture of your son is priceless. When he is the next food network star he will feature it on his show.

  • FrankandMary


    Those 2s do make me laugh. Nothing a calligraphy course wouldn’t cure.

    I remember that at a party once: I think there was too much flour in the cake.
    Me: Why?
    Because my mouth is full of flour.
    Me: Oh.
    ~Mary

  • Marinka


    Which one of those is the “pretty” cake?

  • Angella


    Oh, girl. This brought back painful memories for me.

    I am actually a pretty good baker (My husband has a sweet tooth).

    Last year my eldest asked for a white cake with strawberries and red writing. It was the most tragic looking thing that you e’er did see.

    At least it tasted good, but the photo of it makes me laugh every time.

  • Tom


    It’s the memories that count. There will be more cake.

  • AlisonH


    I’ll bring you my chocolate torte when it’s *your* birthday, how about. Coconut or plain dark chocolate? Or mint?

  • BusyDad


    can’t type. laughing too hard. hanging out with your family is on my bucket list.

  • Lisa@verybusymomwith4


    I love that first one. I say decorate with cookies–Oreos are a good choice. I am also known for having the kids at the party decorate it–not my fault it looks terrible–it’s those kids 😉

  • Heather


    You need to see the Cake Wrecks blog if you think yours are bad. It’s hilarious.

    My mother always made the MOST delicious cakes, but they were always such an eyesore. They always fell apart. My niece still talks about the one and only bday cake my mom made her, that was in pieces and held together with candles.

  • Otter Thomas


    You are making the effort and I say that is worth a lot. Love the honest comment from your son.

  • cluckandtweet.com


    I LOVE the picture of your son. So much better than if he was all smiley. My mom once made sauerkraut cake. And we all ate it. Because if it was called “dessert” in our house, we all ate it. That and the cake that my great aunt made that smelled like mothballs. My dad ate that and has remained moth-free ever since.

  • James


    I could eat cake three meals a day. That would be up from the 1-2average now.

    Beggers can’t be choosers, especially with cake.

  • meleah rebeccah


    Good for you for trying to make a cake from scratch! I wouldnt even know where to begin!

    Sorry it tasted like flour/chalk!

  • Ashley


    I’m posting this to make you feel better. Seriously. Unless of course one of yours is on there, and then…well…yeh

    http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

  • Mark


    We all have are talents. Sounds like the jury is still out on your cake talent.

  • Mrs. Schmitty


    Picky, Picky, Picky. There are just never satisfied, are they? LOL

  • Miss


    This is just a life lesson for them. Either you get a pretty cake, or one that tastes good. TAKE YOUR PICK!

  • Kat


    Once my grandmother made a lemon meringue pie for my other set of grandparents…completely forgot to add the sugar.

  • newnorth


    oh man I miss cake and both of those look delicious to me 😀

  • Out-Numbered


    At least they get cakes. my wife has been cheesing out with the cookie or cupcake for me since my kids have been born. but they get the $250 barbie cake? wtf… Funny post. Great Blog…

  • Bean


    Well, if your mom would’ve made the cake, everyone would have eaten several slivers!

    Don’t you know that even many (most?) wedding cake bakers make BOX cakes? Only the icing is from scratch.

    Marinka’s comment was funny.

    I saw that picture when you took it, and again recently while looking through emailed photos … I did not know they were ‘2’s in each corner!

    I laughed out loud when I got to the chalk part. That was the punchline for me!

  • the planet of janet


    my failures always taste best. what’s up with that??

  • NukeDad


    I make GREAT cakes.
    Loser.
    😉

  • Jared


    I’m pretty sure that is why Momma buys cakes. 😀

    I swear cakes made by Mom are the best…chalky or not. 😀

  • Always Home and Uncool


    Better yet, make him brussel spouts.

  • Birdie


    *L* I guess he tried to make a nice recovery. I learned that lesson too and never made another scratch cake. I’ve yet to taste one that’s my definition of “yummy”. Gimme a boxed cake mix and two tubs of icing and I’m happy. You know if you use those hard sugar letters, they all come out perfect 😛

  • MammaDawg


    “a pretty cake” – LMAO. I love it!!

    Shooooot – at least you put the effort in! I will not, try to make a cake outta scratch. Not even cookies. The boys around here are plenty happy to get a home made cake that came from a box. 😉

  • LiteralDan


    I think both of the cakes look great, actually. In a homemade way, of course, and that’s the best way, anyway.

    My wife would point out that at least you spelled “birthday” right, which she did not for my daughter’s first “birtday”.

    Let me tell you, bringing that hilarious memory up at cake time is always going to get you a frown and a look.

  • musing


    I don’t bake cakes period, so no decorating problems for me!

    P.S. I, too, used photoshop for poor people until I learned of gimp.org from PC Magazine. It does lots of cool stuff and more importantly, it’s free.

  • Undomestic Diva


    Well, I make really cool looking cakes (using fondant) that match the kids bday themes and everyone says they taste like shit. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY LOOK GOOD. (But honestly, I think people might prefer they taste good. Just a suspicion.) Maybe we could combine our efforts?

  • Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub


    That is NOT fair! There is no greater travesty, in my book, than when a beautiful cake tastes bad. 🙁 That cake picture with your son, though. That is PURE GOLD. The terrible two’s caught on film to perfection! LOL

  • Dapoppins


    I agree on both cakes looking great.

    but tasting like flour? You really do mean homemade, not homemade out of a box…cuase then they would just taste the same even if the flavors were different.

  • Jaina


    Good luck on the next cake! You’ll get it eventually!

  • Trackbacks

  • Trackback from Happy Holiday (in May)! - Momo Fali's
    Tuesday, 21 May, 2013

    […] you’re a long-time reader, you may recall that I don’t make very pretty desserts. I may put my heart and soul into baking you a cake, but they look like they contain my blood, […]

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