A week from tomorrow I am leaving town to attend a conference in Chicago. I have a scholarship that pays for my conference pass, and I didn’t think my 11 year old car would make the six hour drive, so Chevy is sending me a 2009 Tahoe. Then one of my roommates went and won a prize from Johnson and Johnson and is paying for our room. If I were Napoleon Dynamite this would be the equivalent of shocks and pegs. I am “Lucky!” Were it not for my my bar bill, this trip would be free.
One of my roommates is flying in from Oklahoma and I already know two of my roommates from a very ill-fated meet-up last year. But, because I spent most of that night in tears, hiding in the bathroom and fielding calls from the ER, I don’t feel like they really know me at all.
First of all, I am an insomniac. I have a horrible time sleeping because I lie awake thinking about things like a fellow blogger’s son who is in the hospital, or the fact that I just told my roommates that I would sing with them when I am actually completely tone deaf. I used to take Ambien, until I got addicted to it, but I was able to convince my doctor to give me a few pills to help me get through this trip.
Only problem? It makes me hallucinate in between taking it and actually falling asleep. Night before last, I went on Twitter during that time period…you know, because I had to test the Ambien. (Mom, Twitter is a social network where you can tell people what you’re doing in 140 characters or less. You can check it out…if you ever get a computer.)
So roomies, here are some of the things you’re in for. I give you my Ambien tweets…
Where I talk to my husband about a deer that I never saw – Am telling my husband the story about the deer from the other day that I TOTALLY remember. He says, “None of it happened”. Foiled by Ambien!!
I nod off, the first time – MomoFaliStarted typing a blog post, fell asleep and woke up to a screen full of “b’s”. Hai Ambien!
I hallucinate, the first time – Let’s just say there’s some Kung Fu Panda up in here…and the movie isn’t even on.
I nod off a second time – Just tried to send an 1133 character update (it was blank, as I fell asleep with my hand on the space bar). Twitter is so picky!
I hallucinate a second time and misspell the name of the most famous ship…ever – There’s some Kung Fu Panda/Titantic stuff going on in my house and my daughter keeps talking about swim lessons (but she’s really in bed).
I make up names for far away lands – A place called Ambeinland would have streets paved in silver and all the chocolate and beer you can eat. And, comfy pillows.
I finally come to my senses – And spekaing of comofy pillows. Goodnight.