Go Ahead, Give Me the Pill

posted by Momo Fali on April 25, 2014

Well, I gave it a good run.

Okay, it was more of a short walk, but my legs are really tired and I’ve come to the realization that I need to climb back on my horse. My Zoloft horse.

Despite my best effort, the slow, dizzying withdrawal, and the long walks on the beach with my doctor – I can finally admit with certainty that I need anti-anxiety medication. It wasn’t the first time I started crying in the middle of the grocery store that I came to this conclusion, it was the second.

A doctor once told me that it’s okay to need medicine to deal with stress, because our environment evolved faster than our brains. We’re still functioning on serotonin levels from thousands of years ago; before jobs, traffic, and kids’ schedules for which you have to hang three different calendars on the wall. Remember when all you had to worry about was hunting and gathering? Life was so much simpler then.

So, it isn’t that I have one, big overwhelming THING, it’s many, small things that make me feel like my head is going to pop off. It’s shopping, cooking, cleaning, work, kids, WEEDS, traveling, insomnia and a pile of paperwork that won’t go away despite my wishes. It’s not having time to fill the car with gas before I drive my daughter across town, it’s finding a chance to help my son prepare for his talent show, and making sure everyone has clean underwear before we leave the house.

Plus, I’m heading into my busy work season. Oh, and did I mention that we’re getting a new puppy tomorrow?

puppies

Just one, not both. I’m crazy, not stupid.

It’s time for a refill, STAT.

    Comments

  • Tracey


    There’s definitely nothing wrong with knowing what you need and being STRONG ENOUGH to ask for help.

    You are DEFINITELY crazy. But I think that puppy is worth the stigma.

    • Momo Fali


      Right? PUPPIES!

  • Jenni Chiu @ MommyNaniBooboo


    “our environment evolved faster than our brains” – that makes perfect sense to me. I wish my doctor would have told me something like that.
    I know what you’re going through… and good for you for knowing what wasn’t working.
    Also, PUPPY! It will be slightly stressful and SO SO CUTE.

  • Amie


    Since you’re already going to be medically equipped to deal with your weeds, you wanna come deal with mine too?

    • Momo Fali


      No.

      • Amie


        You’re nicer when you’re not medicated.

  • Casey


    Go gently, Momo. We’re here. We love you. And we’re all so broken. You’re not alone. Not for one second.

    NOW OMG GIVE ME THAT PUPPY.

    • Momo Fali


      No. The puppy will FIX me with it’s sweet breath, soft belly and feet that smell of corn chips. YOU CAN’T HAVE IT!

  • Toni


    I’m kind of new to all this, but whatever they are giving me is NOT working. I have been in what feels like a catatonic state for over a year now. Tapering down and praying … ALOT!

    I love you Momo, hang in there, you are my role model.

  • Christina


    Your doctor’s reasoning is the same reasoning my doctor used for my ADHD medication. Who can focus when we have eighty-bajillion things demanding our focus now? (And that all cause us anxiety?)

    If the meds make you feel like you can cope with everything life throws at you, then embrace them wholeheartedly.

    And if the meds aren’t working enough, you’ll have puppy therapy as well, because OMG soft, cute puppies make the world all better!

  • Tanis


    PUPPY!

    Also, I love you. Thanks for being so honest about your anxiety. It helps me deal with mine knowing I’m not the only person in the world dealing with this, even if it often feels like it is.

  • Jen


    Thank you for sharing Momo! I never realized that so many moms deal with anxiety – mine showed up as physical symptoms after the birth of my son – not sleeping, tightness in the shoulders, weight on my chest. Best of luck with your transition, and with the adorable new puppy!

  • Kat Kirkpatrick


    Good for you! As my favorite doctor says, take care of yourself first or the whole lot goes to shit. I’ve recently added a few more legally prescribed meds to my regimine and have never felt better or more “myself.” Never feel bad about needing help, pharmaceutical or otherwise. 🙂

  • Katherine Stone (@postpartumprog)


    Love you girl. xo

  • Melisa


    Corn chip puppy feet are the BEST.

    Maybe you should bring her to Chicago next weekend.

    And I love you.

  • Lori


    LUNA will make your world right with a little help from the anti anxiety meds!

    xoxoxo

  • Amy


    I made the decision, somewhere between the birth of kid 2 and the pregnancy with kid 3, that I will not attempt to go off of my meds again until they are all through college. Because they need me sane.

    Lexapro is the frigging BOMB, by the way. Ask your doctor. (Offer void where prohibited, not valid in New Jersey, side effects may include lack of sex drive but at least that prevents having more kids…).

  • Trina


    When I started having suicidal thoughts last March, thoughts which I actually verbalized to some of my closest friends, that I realized I can’t be ok without help. The low dose of Paxil I was on just wasn’t cutting it. My doctor put me on the maximum dose of Cymbalta and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. We have to do what we have to do because our lives, and the lives of the important people around us (kids, families, pets!) are important too. We need the ability to put our best feet (foots?) forward.

    You’ll soon get back to where you feel good again. And soon I’ll be there to give you a big, fat, squishy hug. Hurray for BlogHer.

    Also? Now I’M thinking about a new puppy. Stop it, woman!!

  • unmitigated me


    The meds I take for anxiety and depression have saved my life more than once! It’s not a weakness, it’s an imbalance that we have no control over.

  • Kari


    YES BRING THE PUPPY TO LTYM!
    I can hear Melisa groaning.
    Big fat hugs.

  • CyndyBush


    I had to get back on that horse too and I am SO glad I did. I actually have moments of JOY and can go to sleep without anxiety attacks. Its awesome!
    I like your dr’s explanation of why some of us are slightly out-of-whack. =)

  • Arnebya


    PUPPY!

  • AlisonH


    Take good care of yourself and thank you for being willing to in a way that works–it is an act of courage and a good example to others.

  • MrsTDJ


    I applaud you for recognizing the changes and the need. Cymbalta has helped me to achieve some semblance of sanity. Rock on ma’am!

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