Well, I gave it a good run.
Okay, it was more of a short walk, but my legs are really tired and I’ve come to the realization that I need to climb back on my horse. My Zoloft horse.
Despite my best effort, the slow, dizzying withdrawal, and the long walks on the beach with my doctor – I can finally admit with certainty that I need anti-anxiety medication. It wasn’t the first time I started crying in the middle of the grocery store that I came to this conclusion, it was the second.
A doctor once told me that it’s okay to need medicine to deal with stress, because our environment evolved faster than our brains. We’re still functioning on serotonin levels from thousands of years ago; before jobs, traffic, and kids’ schedules for which you have to hang three different calendars on the wall. Remember when all you had to worry about was hunting and gathering? Life was so much simpler then.
So, it isn’t that I have one, big overwhelming THING, it’s many, small things that make me feel like my head is going to pop off. It’s shopping, cooking, cleaning, work, kids, WEEDS, traveling, insomnia and a pile of paperwork that won’t go away despite my wishes. It’s not having time to fill the car with gas before I drive my daughter across town, it’s finding a chance to help my son prepare for his talent show, and making sure everyone has clean underwear before we leave the house.
Plus, I’m heading into my busy work season. Oh, and did I mention that we’re getting a new puppy tomorrow?
It’s time for a refill, STAT.