I take humor very seriously. To me, there is little doubt about its benefits. Laughter is good for you.

My Dad is, hands down, the funniest person I have ever known. It doesn’t matter what you say to him, he will come back at you with one of his many bizarre, and often hilarious, catch phrases.

For instance, if you ask him what time it is, he will reply, “Time for all dogs to die, don’t you feel sick?” He doesn’t say he’s going to get a haircut, but instead he’s “going to get his ears lowered”. And, if you ask him to do something when he’s lounging in a chair his reply will be, “I’m awful busy”.

Imagine Steve Carell’s character on The Office saying, “That’s what she said”, but multiply it times infinity. My Dad has tons of these trademark lines. He has so many quotes, that he keeps them numbered “for emergencies”.

On my wedding video, he lifted his glass to toast me and his new son-in-law and said, “Here’s looking up your old address.” And when I was a kid, and I would start to get on his nerves he would say, “Go call your Mother and tell her she wants you.” But, if I was being unusually bad he would say, “Knock it off or I’m going to cloud up and rain all over you.”

More than a few of these have stuck. I find myself uttering his lines.

At my former job I heard some quotes which I continue to use such as, “It’s so cold outside, you could snap an ear off”. And, instead of saying, “Give me a break”, one of my co-workers used to say, “Peel me a grape”. I find myself saying that every day.

Not long ago a girl I know used the line, “Hot damn in can”, and now I say it too. Another thing I say quite often is, “For crying in a sink”. My husband’s family says, “For crying in a pop bottle”.

But, my most frequent quote? Well, it makes me sound like I’m Jed Clampett. When something goes wrong I always say, “Dag-nabbit”.

If I ever want to have a library as large as my Dad’s I have a lot of work to do. So, I need your help. Boys and girls, I’m curious…what is your favorite phrase?

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This is Tapper. Tapper is a finger splint, and is a new addition to our family. He is also our five year old son’s constant companion. So far, Tapper has gone with us to a First Communion and to a wedding rehearsal where he started acting up. As a matter of fact, if you asked the bride, she’d probably tell you that Tapper was quite a train wreck.

But on the wedding day, Tapper’s new Mommy discovered Benadryl. And, Benadryl made Tapper happy…and a little loopy. Suddenly, Tapper and son were all smiles and they thought the lights were very pretty. Did you know you can carry a ring bearer’s pillow like a football?

Today Tapper has one more party to attend, and he will probably spend the day tapping tables, and chairs, and people’s knees, and my glasses, and the bridge of my nose. If all goes well, we’ll be saying goodbye to him in 12 days, and this Mommy hopes she’ll never, ever hear tapping again.

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I haven’t slept in about 10 years. Okay, I’m exaggerating…a little. My insomnia started when I was pregnant with my daughter, and it hasn’t let up since.

I now hold the belief that only single people, with no kids, no pets and quiet neighbors, actually sleep. They also must not live near an airport, and can’t keep their windows open to allow the sound of chirping birds to come through. Anyone wanna lend me a BB gun?

My lack of sleep was compounded by having two preemies who both wore heart monitors. You have never really heard an alarm, until you’ve heard one that tells you your baby isn’t breathing, or their heart rate has dropped dangerously low…at 3:00 AM. For my next blog post, I will be discussing adrenaline rush.

Now my dog is getting old, and likes to nudge me with her cold, wet nose to let me know she needs to poop, or puke, or because she feels the need to be petted in the wee hours.

And, there are kids having bad dreams and moving about in the night. I’m always on high alert when I hear one of them. You never know when vomit will strike.

Add to that, my husband’s snoring…okay, not fair…everyone has a husband who snores. But, I’m also lucky enough to have one who suffers from night terrors. My wonderful guy once woke me by pulling me out of bed by my ankles while screaming, “Get out of here! Get out of here!” And another time, he jumped from the bed with all the covers, hit a picture off the wall, and ran into the closet, knocking all the clothes down in the process. He claimed a marching band was coming toward us, and we were about to get trampled.

I don’t know if I didn’t sleep that night because he startled me…or if I was disturbed that he left me there to get stomped by people with wind instruments.

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My husband and I were talking about what a hard time he’s going to have when our daughter gets older, and boys start paying her attention. To put it mildly, her Daddy won’t come off as kind and gentle to her suitors.

I relayed this information to my nine year old daughter and said, “I feel sorry for the guys you’re going to have in your life. It won’t be easy for them, or for you.”

To which she replied, “It’s really okay, Mom. I’m not worried about it…I plan on being a widow.”

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