Posts Filed Under Family Life

She’s Going To Hear Some Bells Ringing

posted by Momo Fali on April 1, 2008

Yesterday was one lousy day. Nobody died and no one was hurt. Nothing tragic happened. But, I was…let’s see, how can I put this delicately for you male readers? Let’s just say, I was…hormonal.

Something has happened since I entered my late thirties. Something bad. For a couple of days a month, I turn into an evil woman. I yell, I fight, and every, little, minuscule thing irritates me. I am supremely grumpy.

On many levels, I feel like a female version of Bruce Banner turning into the Incredible Hulk. There are moments, during these dark days, where I would bet money my skin was turning green. And, I’m pretty sure that I snarl and spit when I talk.

My two, poor children bear the brunt of my vicious Mrs. Hyde. I yell about toys being all over the house, shoes being left in the hall, wet towels on the bathroom floor, and kids who take too long to eat their dinner. That is to say, I get mad about normal stuff which happens every day.

But, on hormonal days, I can’t even stand the normal stuff. I become a raging freak, and what’s really bad is that I KNOW it, yet I can’t stop. For those one or two nights a month, my kids don’t even argue if I send them to bed early.

Last night I desperately tried to lighten the mood. After I grumbled about picking up some clothes off the floor, I sang, “I am grumpy. I am grumpy…” (To the tune of Frère Jacques.)

And, from the other room, my nine year old daughter was brave enough to finish the verse with, “Yes you are! Yes you are!”

Pin It

Keys To A Successful Marriage

posted by Momo Fali on March 25, 2008

* Shared faith

* Common goals

* Mutual respect

* Good wine

Only Slightly Shorter Than In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida

posted by Momo Fali on March 23, 2008

One of my sisters had the family over for Easter dinner yesterday. Two more of my sisters came in town for the get-together.

I only get to see them once or twice a year, so I brought plenty of toys for my five year old son to play with. I wanted him to stay busy so I would have a chance to visit. But, I made the mistake of thinking my nine year old daughter could keep herself entertained.

Shortly after dinner, she told me she was bored. So, I was relieved when my nephew asked her if she wanted to go to the basement to play Guitar Hero.

Of course, I was quickly interrupted when she wanted me to come watch her. She used the technique of half begging, half guilt-trip. “Please Mom? Please come watch me. Just one song.”

Then I started begging and said, “I really just want to visit with my sisters.”

“Please Mom!”

I caved. “Okay. One song.”

My only request was that she make it quick.

But, that request was swiftly denied when I asked her, “What song are you going to play?”

And she replied, “I think it’s called Free Bird.”

The Great Toilet Paper Debate

posted by Momo Fali on March 20, 2008
What election? We’re talking about a real vote here.

From the day my husband and I were married, we were Charmin users. But, because Charmin is so soft and thick, it didn’t agree with the pipes in our old house. It bundled up against the tree roots running through our sewer line, and that didn’t make for a dry basement.

The last Roto-Rooter guy to pay us a visit, left coupons for a certain brand of toilet paper. Let’s call that brand Cotts. After my grocery store doubled those coupons, I got 32 rolls of Cotts at a bargain basement price of 44 cents a piece. Our impression of this paper? Well, let’s just say that bargain basement sometimes makes for raw bottoms. I’m sure it’s easy on the sewer, because it’s thinner than Kate Moss on a diet.

In all honesty, it would be more comfortable to roll up some newspaper, or a leaf…or sandpaper. It’s completely non-absorbent as well. I have visions of my nine year old telling me she’d rather drip dry.

My husband has taken to calling it “hotel paper”. Obviously, we stay at some fine establishments.

But, we are not wasters. No, no, no. We will use that paper until there isn’t a scrap of it left. In the meantime, we are also experimenting with three other kinds.

At this point, I’ll be happy to find a brand that doesn’t clog the toilets, and won’t leave splinters where the sun don’t shine.