posted by Momo Fali on June 7, 2009
I turned 38 last week. During the last month I experienced the following. I am sharing this with you so you will recognize the signs that you’re nearing forty…
– If you pull a shoulder muscle in your sleep.
– Which leads to your husband buying you a Tempur–Pedic pillow for your birthday and you’re actually happy about it.
– If you find a gray hair.
– In your chin.
– If you fall asleep on the couch at roughly the same time you went out to keg parties in college.
– When you go shoe shopping and consider how comfortable the high-heels are, versus how high the high-heels are.
– If someone asks, “Is that a tattoo?”
– And you reply, “No, it’s a spider vein.”
And, you really know you’re nearing forty…
– When you take all of the above and completely own it.
– Because the best thing about getting older is knowing that life is too short to give a damn.
posted by Momo Fali on December 29, 2008
At this moment, ten years ago today, I was lying in a hospital room with a monitor around my belly watching pitocin slowly drip into my vein. I had less than five contractions before the doctor made them stop. He then proceeded to tell me that I would be having my baby very soon. Literally. Ten weeks too soon, to be exact.
My firstborn was delivered weighing 2 lbs. 9 oz. and she lost two of those ounces in the first day of her life. Her legs were the diameter of a highlighter, her ears the size of a thumbnail. If you’ve seen a preemie as small as mine, you know that her skin was so thin you could see her veins, and some parts of her body hadn’t even developed yet.
The first time I saw my baby, she had a breathing tube down her throat, an IV in her belly button, and wires covering her tiny frame. She was so, so small and I was absolutely terrified.
But today, on her 10th birthday, she is happy and healthy. She overcame a whole lot of obstacles to get here, but you would never know that her father once held her entire body in one hand. Happy Birthday, sweet girl.
Now I’m faced with the knowledge that in three years I’ll have a teenager, and I find myself absolutely terrified all over again.
posted by Momo Fali on November 3, 2008
I was uncomfortably holding my daughter on my lap when I said, “I can’t believe you’re almost 10 years old. In less than two months, you’ll be in double digits.”
She said, “Oh no. That’s true! I will be!”
I didn’t think I heard her correctly. “What? Aren’t you excited to turn 10?”
She replied, “I am, but I’ll be in double digits for the rest of my life! It’s so permanent. Unless…”
“Unless what?”
“Well, unless I live as long as those Smucker’s people.”
posted by Momo Fali on July 24, 2008
These are two of the too many magazines to which I subscribe. Who else is impressed that I just used all three versions of “to” in one sentence? Oh, just me. Okay then, let’s talk demographics, shall we? Please don’t be intimidated by my stunning photography skills.
One of these magazines has articles so hip that they have to include hip in the title. Even the ads are youthful. I think it was Pat Benatar who said, “Beer is for children”.
The
other magazine has articles titled, Drink Your Vitamins and Do Your Armpits Need Botox? The ads? Well, let’s just say that most of them contain the words “wrinkle reducing”…
and they’re not talking about ironing.
Back to magazine #1. Oh look! More jeans and alcohol.
And, magazine #2.
Need I say more?
I am too old to wear jeans with a brand name like Acne, and I’m too young to need Depends or face spackle. I would say I’m somewhere between bootcut Levi’s and fine lines.
There must be a publication that meets in the middle. I need a magazine that recognizes the in-between woman. Because if I drank enough of that Bud Light Lime, it’s possible I would piddle in my pants.
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