This?  Is me screwing up the hard work of Judith Shakes Designs.

Here’s how it went down…

11:30pm Sunday:  My BlogHer ad is getting cut off in this new template.  I know that Judith Shakes is working on my new, custom design so, for the time being, maybe I can just find a template with a wider right sidebar so my ad will fit.  It can’t be that hard.  WordPress is great!

12:00am Monday:  Wow, I’m really tired and this template with the tree is kind of like my Momo Fali’s tree, even though everything is gray and there is dark green writing and I really don’t like the font or where my pages show up.  Because, hello?!  My ad fits in the sidebar!  Maybe I’ll switch the template and find out how to put in my header and change the colors after the fact.

12:15am Monday:  *Takes Ambien*

12:35am Monday:  This template is AWESOME!  Just because my ad fits!  I’m sure there isn’t any other way for my ad to fit in this space without me COMPLETELY changing the template.  Right?  zzzzz.  Of course not!  zzzzz.  I’m doing it despite the fact that I keep dozing off!  zzzzz.

12:45am Monday:  zzzzz.  Why are these tags at the bottom of my header?  zzzzz.  Who wants to come to a humor blog and find a 9/11 tag right at the top of the page?   Oh here!  This zzzzz archive button zzzzz looks zzzzz like zzzzz the place to change zzzzz it.

1:10am Monday:  Okay, now I’m awake!  That was a good cat nap.  I should eat some Skittles.

1:25am Monday:  Whew.  I’m glad I didn’t change anything without copying it first!  *Copies archives* *Deletes* *Realizes that only one-third of the text got copied* *Don’t know if it was from the middle, beginning or end*  *Deletes everything* *Freaks out*  *Dozes off again*

7:15am Monday:  Ugh.  I’m still so tired and my mouth is all Skittley.  What the…oh no.  WHAT HAVE I DONE?????!!!!!!!

9:30am Monday:  *Slithers, via e-mail to Judith Shakes to apologize profusely for deleting every archive that she just moved over here.*  *Smacks self*  *Vows to never touch area of dashboard that says, “Themes” ever again*

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Much to my husband’s chagrin, I am a Twitter addict. I love to curl up on the couch with my laptop after the kids have gone to bed and read what everyone is doing in 140 characters or less. I don’t know why I like it, but I do.

Another great mystery is why I like to go on Twitter after I take my Ambien. Some people sleep-eat, some people make phone calls, I even know someone who took their dog to the dog park and lost him because she was on Ambien. I feel the need to say it wasn’t me. Anyway, some people do crazy things on that medicine. I just send tweets.

Last night, after my girly part surgery, I went on Twitter on Dilaudid (also know as Hydromorphone). I did NOT take Dilaudid AND Ambien, because then I would be dead.

Here, for your enjoyment, are a few of my Dilaudid tweets…

I’m on Dilaudid,daf; everylook lop;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

@secretagentmama But I’m halluciantiaon in my liviner oom and I’ve having fn. I jusst saw a buffalo

I have to pee and I hoptea I don’t fall asleep in there like I did earlign.

I dind’dt fall saleep in the bathroom PROGRSSS! Now, eating blueberyy bread and I ckind of what to marry kit.

I thought my hsubnad was hust bringing me wi-ne. I was like, “Wahtewa are you CRAWZZAZZZYY?” His handmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm was empty.

I feel asleep on “hand”.

I just said to my husband athat I vfeel like everything I’m telling you is from a dream.. He said, “That’s ture.” I’m really confursted.

@secretagentmama duid you just calle me Jar Jar Binks? Because I think you called me Jar Jar Binks, when clearly I am Yoda.

My head is like a bobble toy right now=============================

That’s not the window!

just asked my husbna if the guy on TV is named, “Major” and he said, “No, it’s Rex”. Dude I was THAT close.

Thank goodness, I’m no longer in pain. Though you can still look forward to the Ambien tweets. I live for your amusement, or as I told a friend earlier…I’m here to confurst you.

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My husband’s birthday was Tuesday. One of his favorite meals is beef stroganoff made from a family recipe. It’s the same stroganoff he ate when he was growing up and since he’s creeping up on 40, I thought it best to try and make him feel like a kid again. Also, does anyone else feel that I’m aging myself by talking about stroganoff? Oh good, everyone then.

After work on Tuesday, I managed to straighten up the house, wrap presents and make dinner. My husband got off work early so he could celebrate with the kids before an evening meeting and once 6:00 pm rolled around, the whole family was hungry and the table was set for a nice, family meal.

Until my son sat down, saw my creation and said, “Ew! Throw up!”

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1. If you once had a dog who ate a dead bat and you had to pull a string of wet, possibly-rabid bat out of her throat, you may think, “I have never seen anything so disgusting in my life.”

2. When that same dog gets older and decides she likes to roll in other dog’s poop and you find yourself giving her a bath and she does the wet dog shake and soaped-up poop goes flying all over your bathroom, you will realize you were wrong about the bat being disgusting.

3. And, 15 years later when you get a new puppy and see that she likes to roll in dead animals you may find yourself thinking, “If that’s the worst thing she rolls in, things will be okay, because remember that one dog…who liked to roll in dog poop…”

4. Then on a day much like this past Saturday, your new puppy may roll around in horse poop and you’ll think, “Well, it certainly can’t get any worse than this.”

5. But, it’s possible that on the same day, after she’s been bathed and sanitized, that puppy might suddenly decide she likes Mexican food and eat an entire bowl of salsa.

6. Which means you might stay up all night waiting for the explosive salsa-diarrhea you know will come.

7. But, it doesn’t.

8. And you’ll realize you stayed up all night for nothing.

9. Until the puppy throws up and it smells exactly like…horse poop.

10. And you may find yourself thinking, “Seriously? Why couldn’t it smell like salsa?”

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