Oh, pop culture. Sigh. I am in your news every day and sometimes you confuse me. Most of the time, actually. Before I burst, these are some things I need to get off my chest. It should be noted that my mother is going to read this and not recognize a single name. Some day, maybe I’ll rant about Doris Day.

1. I don’t care what the Kardashians do. Not even a little bit. Not ever.

2. Why is there going to be a live version of The Sound of Music and why is it starring Carrie Underwood? This question looks absurd, but I can assure you this is happening, people.

3. When I grow up I want to be Jennifer Lawrence.

4. And, I want Jimmy Fallon to be my neighbor.

5. I don’t know what Miley Cyrus is doing, but I don’t approve.

6. Rihanna needs to dump Chris Brown once and for all.

7. Jay Z is awesome. Justin Timberlake is awesome. Now they should go their separate ways.

8. How could AC/DC sell “Back in Black” for retail, commercial purposes? Bon Scott is rolling over in his grave.

9. I’m a big fan of Mark Wahlberg, but even I can’t stand behind him starring in a reality show about his restaurant, “Wahlburgers.” I can’t even stand behind the name “Wahlburgers.”

And, to redeem all of the above nonsense:

10. Downton Abbey’s fourth season starts in 54 days. Not that I’m counting.

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I hit a new cooking low tonight – I burned rice. I checked on it a full SEVEN minutes early, yet there was my new stainless steel pot with 1/2 inch layer of crusted grains stuck to the bottom.

In a Thanksgiving cooking class a few years ago, I forgot to put sugar in my pumpkin pie. And, during a Christmas dinner I served brownies iced with Cool Whip and crushed candy canes. Do you know what it sounds like when eight people are eating crushed candy canes at the same time? There isn’t enough Andy Williams in the world to drown out the crunching.

My husband would probably have a much longer list of my kitchen fails. So would my daughter. My son once ate a beet and a radish at the same time so he doesn’t get a taste opinion.

I won’t even mention my cakes.

Cooking is a lot like life. Sometimes it turns out crusty, soggy or just plain rotten, and sometimes it’s smooth and delicious. What I can say for certain is that there isn’t always a quick fix; you can’t come to depend on microwaved meals all the time.

So I’m going to step away from the instant stuff and do a little more slow cooking. I won’t give up on my kitchen dreams, because you just never know when you won’t burn the rice.

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I had a ton of stuff to do this weekend and I didn’t get any of it finished. Not even close.

Not a single load of laundry, no grocery shopping, no vacuuming or dusting. I did help my husband bag some leaves, I put a load of clothes in the washer (but have not yet moved it from there), and I sanded a hand-me-down nightstand for my son’s room – just so you don’t think I’m a complete waste.

Though I didn’t muster the energy to fold towels, I did force myself to celebrate the birthday of a wonderful friend, sit around a firepit, spend a lazy afternoon in bed watching a movie, go to church, see my son jump in a pile of leaves, eat dinner with my mom, go to an arcade with my husband, and spend two hours dropping off bags to collect food for the needy.

Until I thought about it, I felt like nothing had been accomplished over the last couple of days because I didn’t work and I didn’t clean, but life happened. Fun happened. Celebration, faith, volunteering, friends, and family happened.

It turns out I did get a ton done.

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If you are a friend of mine, you know that any time you have an ailment I’m going to suggest apple cider vinegar as a cure. A best friend and proponent of this health potion got me drinking it years ago. Now, it’s a daily habit.

I know a few of you who have listened to me and bought ACV, but I also know that it’s just sitting there, still sealed, in your cabinet. I’m here to say DON’T FEAR THE VINEGAR. Embrace it. Here’s what you need to know, and to be clear, these are my opinions. I’m not a medical expert. I’m a blogger, so if you’re going to try it, please talk to your doctor first.

1. Buy organic, unfiltered, unpasteurized ACV with little bits of fleshy substance called the Mother. I get Bragg. It has all the good stuff you’re looking for in your apple cider vinegar.

2. Drink 1 or 2 teaspoons of ACV mixed with cold water, up to 3 times a day. Bragg suggests you mix in honey, but I don’t like honey in my drinks – not even tea – so I’m sure as heck not going to mix it with vinegar. *shudder* I actually drink mine like a shot. I take 4 teaspoons, straight, with a water chaser, once a day.

3. No matter how you do it, it’s going to taste bad. It’s vinegar, people. Plug your nose and drink it.

4. I take a shot about 30 minutes before a cross-fit workout for a little energy boost. My trainer swears by it, as long as I don’t breathe on him.

5. It’s great for sore throats. Mix a couple of teaspoons in 1/4 cup of water, gargle and swallow. My daughter says it doesn’t help, but I found out that she was only saying that so I wouldn’t make her do it anymore. See #3. For the record, since I made her start gargling ACV for sore throats, she hasn’t had strep. Not in years.

6. A few months ago, I had heartburn so bad that I thought I was having a heart attack. I took over the counter antacids, then switched to prescription antacids, and it wouldn’t go away. I was in so much pain in the middle of the night and I thought I’d try ACV.  I have no idea what made me think of it, because it seems counter-intuitive, but within minutes of drinking, the heartburn lessened. I drank more about an hour later and the heartburn went away completely. Then I found a bunch of people on the Internet who said the same thing. (Note: If you think you’re having a heart attack, don’t drink vinegar. Go to the ER.)

7. Clear up a pimple by dabbing it with a cotton ball dipped in ACV.

8. Do the same thing to treat a sunburn.

9. Though we have never had lice (*knocks on ALL THE WOOD*), I once thought we had lice so I soaked my head in apple cider vinegar, covered it with a shower cap, then wrapped it in a towel and went to bed. The “lice” turned out to be dandruff, but my hair was super shiny the next day!

10. I can’t prove it has done these things for me, but ACV is purported to help lower cholesterol and glucose levels.

So what do you have to lose? Plug your nose and bottoms up!

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